Not trying, doing

The phrase, “Do or do not, there is no try” has become part of popular lexicon.  For those that don’t know it, it’s a quote from The Empire Strikes Back which is the second film in the StarWars franchise.  The character who speaks it is a wise old mentor figure.  It’s another way of say, You can decide to do something, you can decide NOT to do something, or you can decide not to decide.  

When we started this adventure, that was our unspoken motto.  It’s still the unspoken motto, as a matter of fact.  J and I have never dialoged this or said it to each other, but it’s what we are doing.  Do or do not, there is no try.  

We aren’t doing this on a lark.  We don’t have a safety net in this.  We have us.  That’s it.  Yes, we have some friends and family along the way, or friends that are family (y’all know who you are), but at the end of the day, it’s us.  We need to do this.  Not try this.  Not maybe do this.  Not try it for a few months and then bail back to the States.  We are DOING this.  

It’s a strange dichotomy as well.  Some people in the States, before we left, told that what we were doing was foolish or reactionary.  Yet, some people in Thailand are telling us the same thing about leaving here for Shanghai.  Seems that people get comfortable in their place and can’t imagine others doing something different.  Well, we ARE doing something different.  

There is also dichotomy in what we are doing and how we are living.  We live a Western*ish life and like Western*ish things, but we live in Asia.  We speak some Thai, but not enough to get around without using a mix of Thai and English.  We will do the same in Shanghai.  Kiddo loves ramen and rice, but doesn’t care much for potatoes, however, she can’t get enough of hamburgers and fries.  

We live in different worlds.  Both American and expat.  Both comfortable where we live and yet, we smile at the uniqueness and strangeness of it weekly, if not more.  We have also taken to the lifestyle and customs here.  We wai (bow) as second nature to things now.  Even in Vietnam this summer, where you don’t see the Wai as much, we still caught ourselves doing it.  I still am stuck on tangmo and saparot for watermelon and pineapple.  So much so, I just needed to double check and look up the English translation.

What I’m trying to say is that there is no try in this.  There is no do not.  There is Do.  Only Do.  Because that’s what we do everyday.  We do.  Life in Thailand.  Life in Bangkok.  Life as expats.  We do things that make us uncomfortable.  We try new things.  We DO new things.  

Here’s the crux though.  We have been told by a number of people, probably somewhere near 100 people, that have told us we’re wrong for doing this.  We’ve never told anyone they are wrong for NOT doing it.  We’ve opened our arms and house to welcome anyone who reaches out to visit.  We’ve encouraged people to see and experience and to visit.  We’ve never told them they are wrong for not.  However, we get told we are wrong for doing.  

So be it!

It’s not pride that is keeping us here and on this path.  It’s our intrepid spirit.  It’s our wanderlust.  It’s our sense of adventure and want to explore.  It’s for Kiddo.  So she can see the world.  Become more than An American.  Twenty years from now, we want her to look at her life and see that she was never held back from seeing and exploring.  We want her to see that she got experiences and lived a life that 99.9% of her peers did not.  We do that in hopes that she will have a multifaceted view of the world, its people, its cultures, and its politics.  We want her to see that she can go and be and do anything that she chooses.  That the only limits she has are her own safety and that she can live and work anywhere she wants, that she’s not just stuck in a place because she was born there.  

I read recently, a review and critique of Anthony Bourdain and his show and travels.  In it (paraphrasing some, can’t find the link at this time, but if I can, I will come and repost the link), it said that while Bourdain seemed affable that it’s obvious that the networks were pulling some strings and pushing their agenda in his show a bit, but in that, Mr. Bourdain never pandered to his audience.  He never, like his peers in the food and chef world, went places and made a spectacle of the food or customs.  It’s never “look at this strange thing I’m eating and doing.”  It was always respectful and with curiosity that he approached the people and places he visited.  He goes to learn, if only for himself and not his audience, and respect the places and people offering (in return) his own opinion and voice be that right or wrong, but it was with an air of wonder and want to learn, not as a criticism or for views.  He was as altruistic as he could be while toeing the line of the networks he worked for.

We try to take the same approach.  Not the, look at this weird thing that Thai people do, but more of a- Look at this thing.  Isn’t it unique?  We  didn’t go to the night market and take pics of the bug stand and how strange it was.  We bought some and had some.  We are going to Shanghai with the same mindset.  Go and do it.  We might like it, we might not, but we’re not vacillating on it.  We are doing it.  We aren’t judging, we are experiencing.  We try to learn the people, the culture, and the customs.  We try the food.  We try our hand at the language.  We don’t expect the people around us to know English, unlike others we know who are “disappointed” that more people don’t speak English, because “other parts of American culture is here.”  Listen, just because you can go see the Marvel Movies and just because McDonalds is here doesn’t mean that this is America.  

We do this for us.  For our reasons.  For ourselves and our family.  We do this for Kiddo.  We do this so we can see more than “The American Dream” and strive for more than the average American.  80% of Americans live and die within 100 miles of where they were born, with the majority of those people living within 10 miles of where they grew up.  (Sources NYT 2015 and US Census Bureau 2022)

That’s just not us!

We, instead, choose to do differently.  We choose to live where we are happy or where we want to explore, not near where we grew up.  We DO things differently.  Because that’s what we choose to do.  And, as I’ve already said, you may not.  That’s fine.  We still encourage you to go out and see more.  Even if it’s just once.  Do it.  Not for me.  Not because we or this blog goaded you into it, but to experience it for yourself.  To have an opinion that isn’t shaped by the news you read, but instead on what you experience.  

Again, to repeat myself, every life owes a death.  There are no do overs or second tries.  So, why not DO it, even just once.  

Do something that scares you.

Do something bold.

Do something exciting.

Do something to experience it.

Or do not.  It’s up to you.

However, there is a ton to see in this world.  We’ve seen 0.001% of it, but that’s about 99% more than the average person.  Heck, more than 99.9% of average people and 99% of Americans.  That doesn’t make us special, but that does make us different.  Again, so be it.

We are us.  Not you.  Not someone else.  We’re not trying to monetize our child for likes and views.  We are not doing that ourselves.  We aren’t here and doing this for Tik Tok or YouTube or anything else other than ourselves.  The blog, which we like sharing with you and the other readers (be they frequent or sporadic), is also for us and Kiddo as a reminder and running journal of our adventures.  So Kiddo can read back one day.  So J and I can look back and smile.

Do or do not, there is no try.

Let’s go, Kiddo… The weekend is upon us and we have little things to do all weekend, but we will also get out and get to do some fun things.  We will continue that with you and can’t wait to see how you adapt and morph as we continue to change, grow, and travel the world.  We wouldn’t and couldn’t do this without you and we love every second of it with you.  We have a lifetime of adventures and experiences left and we will do them all with you; or we will miss you as you go off and do things on your own.  Know, however, that we will always look on with excitement and fascination at all of this and as you grow and go off on your own, we look forward to that, even as we never want to let you go.  Go and do… or do not.  The choice is yours.