What the....

WARNING: Some use of adult language

I’ve mentioned, more than once, about music and our love for it before in this blog.  Music makes up my days, mostly, as I turn it on and let it fill the house as I task about and cook, clean, and go about my days.  When I’m not at home, more likely than not, I have buds in my ears.  However, when it is the 3 of us (4 if you include Beer and 65% of the time, you could) music is on for the most part.  Kiddo hums along and even requests songs from time to time.  I’ve been asked about this, I’ve had others give my their opinions, and I’ve had people outright tell me/us that we are out of line for not making sure all the music is kid appropriate and censored and 100000% pure for her.

Here’s the thing; We will shield her, but we will not censor her.  What I mean is this- We will play RHCP or GnR, some pop and the like, Depeche (of course), Death Cab, Pearl Jam, even some Em, Pac, and other rap and we will play unedited and uncensored music.  Not that I’m putting on hardcore 2 Live Crew or some of the harder Em stuff.  Pac is certainly edited and whittled for Kiddo.  We aren’t being raunchy or inappropriate with her and the music, but sometimes a word or two will be in a song and we let it fly.  Because life is uncensored.

The other thing is- It doesn’t matter.

I can sit here, as an adult, and point to 2Pac’s Hit Em Up as a song that, from about 2 seconds in, you know that it is going to be vulgar, profane, and very very adult in nature.  I would never dream of playing that for Kiddo.

On the other hand… Well, buckle up.  It’s story time.

I was angsty as a teen.  I know… Hard to believe.  LOL

Music was as important to me then as it is now.  I was also dealing with some issues and other stuff.  Music helped.  Gave me hope.  Gave me escape.  Gave me an outlet.  

The high school I went to was a smaller school and did a lot to try to form classes out of us.  So much so that they had spirit week or weeks during the year.  Part of this was a class colours day.  Green = Freshpersons. Blue = Sophomore.  Red = Juniors.  Black = Seniors.  They’d encourage us to dress up, dress out, get big or go home type stuff.  It was one of those teenage/high school bonding rituals and being angsty, I had my own thoughts on it.

I do remember my sophomore year and that’s kind of the point of this.  Blue was the colour of the class and I wanted no part of it.  I was already over hs and those people and just wanted out.  So, for my class colour outfit that year, I wore blue shorts with a white shirt.  I got blue converse to go with it.  On the shirt, in GOLD in the middle of the shirt, I wrote the word JEREMY and outlined that in BLUE.  I did it in Gold because the school colours were black and gold and Black was a senior color.  On the shirt, in a blue marker, I wrote out the lyrics to Pearl Jam’s song Jeremy.  If you are unaware of the song, give it a listen.  If you don’t like Seattle 90’s grunge rock, look up the lyrics.  In every case of the word Jeremy appearing in the song, I would just leave 6 dashes as the big golden blue Jeremy was standing in for that.

Remember a half page ago when I said it doesn’t matter.  I’m going to prove that now.

Firstly, a LOT of people reacted to the shirt.  I love that song.  Cool song.  Next year I’m going to do something like that… So cool.  Blah blah blah.  I even got some of the too cool high school buttheads; Poser, you don’ even know that band.  Look at you trying to be cool on a lame song.  Blah blah blah again.  Note here, even some of the younger and “cooler” staff made comments about - Cool song or Pearl Jam is a pretty cool band.  They were at least, peripherally, aware.

Secondly, why wasn’t I sent home?  Why wasn’t I pulled aside?  Why wasn’t I reprimanded?  

I bring this up because if you haven’t listened or looked at the lyrics yet, I’d urge you to do so.  First, there is a F*%k in the song.  It was printed, clear as day, on my shirt.  Next, it’s a song about an ignored and bullied child going to school and killing a classroom of his peers before he kills himself.

WHY WAS I ALLOWED TO WEAR THAT SHIRT?

Because… as I said, it doesn’t matter.

No one was aware of the F&$K in the song.  I’ve brought this up to others and needed to point it out to them.  They don’t hear it.  Not because it’s so quick or soft or anything of the like, but because it was lost in the music.  Music isn’t just words.  Music is emotion, feeling, words, sounds, structure, and the freedom of ideas, emotions, anger, love, angst, life, and everything else.

Even the deeper meaning of the song was lost on them all.  

Clearly I remember

Pickin' on the boy

Seemed a harmless little fuck

But we unleashed the lion

Gnashed his teeth and bit the recess lady's breast

How could I forget?

Reading that now, hearing those words, I don’t see how anyone can miss this.  From the first time I heard the song, I knew what Pearl Jam was saying and why they were saying it.  That’s 30 years ago and they saw the violence, the school shootings, the helplessness and hopelessness felt by a lot of teens and young people and they gave that voice.  They gave words to a feeling.  Gave imagery to an emotion.

But it was popular and catchy and had a cool video.  It couldn’t be bad, could it?

Because it doesn’t matter.

The F&$K in the song doesn’t matter.  The subject matter should have, but obviously didn’t.  Because no one was listening.  Not to the song, a TON of people listened to that.  They didn’t hear it.  Didn’t see it.  Didn’t care to recognize it.

We’d rather listen to music with her.  Hear it.  Explain it if necessary.  I’ll stick with Peal Jam and the TEN album as an example.  The second track Even Flow is a banger.  Very much Seattle grunge, driving and the guitars are just soaring and screaming, as Eddie Vedder just pours his soul into the mic.  At the 2:50ish mark, there is a guitar break/instrumental break.  Going into that, Vedder is feeling it and just before it takes off you can hear him say- “Fuck it up!”  From what I’ve read, this was ad-libbed and in the takes before that one, it’s not present.  It was Eddie feeling the moment and the music.

The song has been played around Kiddo.  More than once.  About a year ago, I was cooking and it came on and she was helping me.  Beer was gone.  J wasn’t home yet.  The song came on and the break came and Kiddo asked, 

Dada- What’s that mean?  

What does what mean?  

The man in the song said…. Fuck it up.  (Yes, she did say F&$k super small and quiet)

Yup.  He did.  He was just in the moment with the song and that means that he was telling the other guys in the band to just go crazy and have fun with the guitar part of the song.

Oh.  <Thoughtful pause> OK.

Hey Kiddo…. You know that’s a bad word, right.

Yeah… That’s why I was wondering why he’d say it to the band guys if they were all friends.

I wasn’t about to get into that you don’t need to be friends to be in a band together, but that’s a convo for her when she’s about 12 and really starting to get into music.  I did, however, explain that he was just in the music and that he was just expressing himself and meant it in a good way, that the guys should express themselves as well.  She got that.  

It’s also about trust.  We trust Kiddo to ask.  We trust Kiddo to use appropriate language.  She is NEVER in trouble for asking.  Anything!  We’d rather her ask us than just go out without info or with a half understanding.  We’d rather show her trust now and show her that music can have words that you won’t normally say than have her hide her music from us in 5, 6…. 10 years from now.  Because if we know what she’s listening to alone, we can have some insight to her emotions, feelings, and state of being.  Maybe not 100% clarity, but at least some signposts.

I couldn’t listen to most of my music if my parents were in earshot.  I hope to hear her music.  To have awareness of it.  It’s information and that’s helpful.  Also, it’s music.  I like music.  Maybe this is new music that I will like.  Maybe it will say something to me as well.  Maybe Kiddo and I can sit and talk and listen and talk about that music together.  Who knows.

All I know is that no one listened to my music.  No one heard it.  No one paid it any attention. It was a cool song or a cool band.  No one stopped and wondered if everything was ok.  If I was ok.  Because no one was listening.

I want to listen to Kiddo.  Not only her words, but her music, her fears, her worries, her happinesses, sadnesses, and in between things also.  I want her to talk to me and us about the music, movies, videos, etc etc that she is consuming.  Not to censor that for her, but to be there to guide, love, assist, explain, or just get a temperature of that content to have some type of insight.  Instead of TURN OFF THAT RACKET, I want to say, What are ya listening too?  What’s your favorite song?  What’s it mean to you, Kiddo?

Because she could listen to rock, rap, folk, heck… She could push all in on K-Pop for all I know, but at the end of the day, if she’s adjusted, knows that she can trust J and myself to listen, love, and be there for her, it doesn’t matter what she listens to as a musical taste.  It matters that she knows the music and uses it - not as an excuse to shoot up a school, not as a justification to do harm, but as an outlet of feelings, emotions, rage, joy, love, hurt, grief, or just as something to get her bopping, rocking, and moving… Well, it’s music.  Listen.  Feel.  Enjoy.

Let’s go, Kiddo… It’s a at home hot pot night and we’re going to watch a movie.  We’ll listen to music, have some fun, eat good food, and have a family day.  We love you and can’t wait to explore, hear, see, and taste the world as it comes at us.  You will, one day, have your own music, life, and peers that will alter your tastes and show you things that Mumma and I don’t listen to or don’t know.  We hope you like it and are willing, at least a little, to share that with us.