Producing a Feud

Most nights I cook.  Last month, August, I cooked 24 meals in the 31 days.  In the 7 days that I didn’t cook, we had left overs on 3 of those nights and that’s easy enough, but it still takes a little prep and time and readying and reheating of things and the like.  Most of the meals I make depend on Produce Lady at the Market.

Produce Lady is part of my everyday routine, except for Sundays.  Produce Lady isn’t at the market on Sunday, so Saturday I need to plan and buy ahead.  Not a big deal.  After 2 years of doing this, I know the routine of some of the others in the market as well as I know my own.  Dinners are also dependent on them.  If I’m planning chicken with roasted potatoes and Produce Lady (PL from here on out for ease) is out of potatoes, well… I can’t make that and I need to shuck, jive, zig, and zag.  It’s usually not a big deal and I can make due or shift as needed.  

The only bad thing about PL is that I have a running feud with her.

Let me explain.

About a year ago, as Kiddo got into school and life fell into the routine of school, life, weeks, weekends, breaks, and the school year, I would walk to the Kiddo to school and then walk to the market.  Get fruit.  Get produce.  Maybe get a waffle or noodles for breakfast.   PL started noticing that I was there daily.  We started getting a little fast and loose with the price on things.

Now, I don’t haggle in the markets here.  Firstly, because it’s not really a Thai thing to haggle in the markets.  Secondly, because my Thai isn’t good enough.  Last, because nothing is egregiously priced.  Take today as an example— I got half kilo of grapes, an apple, a pear, and a half kilo tengmo (watermelon) for 100 baht ($3).  Then, I went to PL and got ginger, carrot, cuncumber, two onions, baby corn, bean sprouts, a bell pepper, pea pods, and a bundle of bok choy for 110 baht ($3.25).  To my point, go to your local farmer’s market and take $6 with you and tell me what you get.  You’ll get MUCH LESS than I got for that $6, right?  I’d bet on it.

So, about a year ago, PL started rounding with me.  I fancy myself a clever man and I picked up on this quickly, playing it back at her.  Over the last year or so, PL will tally everything up and it’ll come (like today) to 112 baht, or 96 baht, or the like.  She will tell me 110 or 95.  There are then times when the total will be 98 and I’ll give her a 100 and shake off the change.  Penny here, penny there… I’m not losing sleep over it.  Karma will balance it all out in the end.  

PL must keep a rough tab in her head.  Usually, that would be something I would do.  J teased me one time about it and wondered how much we were up or down.  I told her I didn’t know.  She didn’t believe me at first, because it is completely a Me thing to do and to know that.  That’s partly my ADHD and partly just how I am; J is always and still (after 16 years) amazed that I will know the total at a restaurant within a few cents before the bill comes.  Usually it’s oddities in the local tax that mess me up.  In BKK it is service changes, odd taxes, or a surcharge that I missed that throws off my total, but it’s always close.  So, me not knowing the plus/minus with PL seemed off to J.  

Honestly, I don’t know.  Because it’s a baht here and a baht there, I never paid it much mind.  Again, I don’t need to keep a tally, Karma will do that for me.  She asked me to guess once and I put some thought into it.  Probably about 20 baht in PL favor, but I had been on a streak of overpaying 2-4 baht a few times.  EX: 116 charge, she’d say 115 and I’d pay 120 and wave it off.  Mostly because my change purse was full and I hate being weighted down by coinage.  

A few weeks ago, that exact thing happened and I waved PL off.  The charge was 97 and she said 95.  I paid 100 and waved her off.  She insisted and started digging for change and I just said Khab khun krup and walked away.  A minute later, as I was getting fruit, I got a tap on my forearm and I look over.  PL is there with a 5 baht coin and she gave it to me and said, “Change” and smiled.  Well, I don’t have the Thai to have an in-depth debate about this, so I took with with a smile and thanks and made show to pocket it.  She then said something to the Fruit Guys and then they laughed and smiled.  They have started to do the same to me, rounding and playing it loose.  

Thursday was her coup de grâce.  We were having J’s friend Ash for dinner and then the ladies were going to climb.  I was making Mac n cheese, as Ash loves it and Kiddo was requesting it.  I got some cucs and bells to make a cuncumber salad.  The total was 73 baht.  I paid with 100.  I then told PL - “Yisib ha baht ok ok” (25 baht is ok).  She looked at me and smiled.  She liked when I use my Thai.  However, her smile was devious.  She went to her change bucket and rooted around for coins.  She handed me a 20 and two 5 baht coins.  30 baht.  She then gave me a smile and said something I didn’t catch and so I can’t duplicate, but the tone and posture suggested something along the lines of “Don’t mess with the best, mister!”  I offered 5 back and she just shook her head and smiled at me.  I thanked her and walked over to get fruit, but she followed and said something to the Fruit Guys.  They undercharged me and over changed me as well.

Don’t mess with Produce Lady.  Got it!

This is the stuff I’ll miss when we move on.  Those little connections.  The people in my life and that are part of my routine.  I’m sure I’ll find new ones wherever we land, but that does’t mean I’ll miss them any less.  

For those that want Kiddo news… 

Yesterday was an Art Day.  Kiddo got to do a portrait of J holding PorkChop Piggy.  It currently adorns our bedroom door.  I couldn’t love this any more.  Everything about it makes me smile.

Let’s go, Kiddo… It’s another week, but a short one.  Friday is off.  A three day weekend is coming and maybe we can find time for me to sit and get my portrait done with Poley.  Until then, we get to have fun, go to school, do homework, color, read, play video games, and just have our week.  And in a little more than a month, we will be in China for a few days.  Exciting stuff and Mumma and I love you!