Feeling the feelings at 7

We are done with school and a week away from leaving.

Kiddo was a mix of emotions the day before yesterday, yesterday, and today.  Excitement and sadness mixed together.  She is leaving friends and the place she has known as home for as long as she can remember.  It’s hard.  It’s new and scary and different and the house looks different and there is a lot going on there.

She also doesn’t like to be managed.  Thursday night, she was up and down for a bit.  It was all last day stuff and missing friends stuff.  Each time she’d get up, J would offer her a hug and we’d get her settled and back to bed.  However, at 21:30, when J went to bed, Kiddo was up… again.  J asked if she wanted to hang out while J did her flossing and brushing and then she could have a Mumma tuck and goodnight.

A short while after that, about 15 minutes, Kiddo is up again and sad.  I just give her a look, as I put the game controller down (I was gaming) and I ask, “What can I do to help you, my dear?”

“Mumma just offers hugs and doesn’t listen to me tell her about being sad.  Everyone else too.  No one wants to talk to me about leaving and how I feel.”

Well, I was just playing Super Mega Baseball 4, so I ask if she would like to get a fluff and friend and she can sit and talk with me while I play baseball.  She was up for 3 innings and she just talked and told me things, but also had questions.  So, we just hung out.  I didn’t tell her it was ok, that it’s all fine, nothing like that.  I just listened and talked to her about baseball.  

Getting her into bed and tucking her there was much yawning.  Kiddo then asked me if I wished that we could pick our emotions and have a dial to turn them up and down.  Like, do you wish you could wake up kind of grumpy, but you can turn that down to a 2 grumpy on the dial so you can be a little grumpy, but not to friends.

We spent a few minutes talking about that.  Then I got….

You remember that movie, Inside/Out… Like that, only you can pick.  There’s a new one.  Some kids at school have already seen it!!!!  

I played dumb.  I didn’t even know it was out.  We should check on that.

She made me set a reminder on my watch.  So I did.  We looked it up and it is playing here.  We are going to talk to Mumma tonight about maybe a weekend plan to go see Inside/Out 2.  

The next week is going to be like this.  Then, once we get to LA, SF, or GB, I’m sure we’ll get more about her being sad and not wanting to leave because of XYZ reasons.

It’s hard being a kid and seven.  It’s hard to wrap your head around the concept that home is the people you are with, not the place you live.  Our home was California.  Then it was Bangkok.  Next it will be Shanghai, but not before we spend 6 weeks traveling the globe.  After that, who knows and who knows when.  Maybe when Kiddo is 9 or 11 and then what?  

We do have a rough plan, but a lot of that depends on the jobs, the markets, and the world.  Factor in, then, politics and war and the state of the world.  After that, we need to take Kiddo in account; What will serve her best?  Maybe she’s a STEM kid, maybe she’s an art kid, maybe she’s a sport kid.  Who knows.  So, as she grows and becomes, we will need to serve her and lean into markets and schools that best serve her and her path as well as J and her career paths, etc.  So, rough is the best we can do on plans past this year.  

This will never be easy.  We aren’t asking for sympathy or help, just stating fact.  We picked a life that is fun, interesting, strange, and filled with so much joy and comes with so much learning of culture, language, and about others; Yet, at the same, is filled with not understanding, constant learning, trips to immigration offices, visa paperwork, and figuring out the money, housing, phone, life, etc.  

No, we picked new game plus and set that on EXTREME mode.  However, the reward for that is this life.  These experiences.  Giving Kiddo the experience of seeing and gaining some understanding to the world and its peoples and cultures.  On top of that, Kiddo gets an education that we could never offer her in the States.

Let’s go, Kiddo… It’ almost time and we are as excited and nervous as you are.  We love you and we are your home.  Mumma and I will be with you every step of the way, for our whole journey.  Not just this summer, but forever.  We love you and you are beyond brave.  We admire that so so so much.