No mistaking tears in the rain

During our last trip to the NHL (Neilson Heys Library) this past weekend, J and Kiddo found a few books, but one book in particular was hot on Kiddo’s radar.  It’s called Growing up for Girls.  The other day, Kiddo and J were doing their Kiddo/Mumma time and they did some reading from the book.  A LOT of questions were asked.  A little bit of freaking out.  

This book deals with things like puberty, the body, the changes that will come, and what that all means.  I can only imagine some of the uncomfortable questions and comments J needed to deal with, but she parented thru it.  Besides that, both J and I grew up in houses where those types of things weren’t talked about.  It was rude, or inappropriate, or blah blah.  We’d rather spend a few uncomfortable minutes explaining the body and it’s natural process of growing and changing than not.  

Again, we’d rather give her trust and information than not.  I never had those convos, so most of what I knew going into middle and even high school was locker room talk, half info, rumors, or just falsehoods.  A big reason I was susceptible to my own SA is that I didn’t know how to talk about it, ask about it, address it, or even broach the subject.  If I was scolded for even asking about it, can you imagine the fear of bringing it up and trying to say that it was happening to me?  If Kiddo knows that we will always answer, talk about, or give her information; even it that’s uncomfortable, it makes her less likely to be preyed upon.

Kiddo, here’s the thing.  You are our first.  Due to life and medical issues on my end, our only.  That means you get all of our love and attentions, all of our focus.  Unfortunately, you also get all of our mistakes.  We don’t mean to make mistakes.  We try our best.  But, you are our one shot at it.  What would we do different with another kiddo?  We don’t know, but a lot of the minor stuff might change.  

Those mistakes don’t mean anything.  It’s things like bedtime, introducing new foods, how to discipline when you get up all night, and things like that.  It’s not that we regret moving you to Thailand and BKK or that we doubt the wisdom of Shanghai and that move and life.  It’s that we can’t look back at you trying shrimp and find a new plan with Kid 2.  It’s those kind of mistakes; bending when we should have held or holding when we should have bent.  

I think, all in all, we’ve done a good job.  You speak Thai.  You speak English.  You are going to learn Mandarin.  You will see the world.  You already have more stamps in your passport than most of your peers; certainly more than your American peers.  You’ve made amazing friends and you will get to make more.  You’ve walked in the rain in HCMC, had your toes in a number of different oceans and bays, lakes and gulfs.  You’ve eaten market food and tried pho at a number of places that we just popped into.  You’ve seen and celebrated New Years, Chinese New Years, and Thai holidays… In SEA!  

In 7 years, you have lived and seen more than 75% of the people me and Mumma know…. Certainly more than 99% of your blood family.  That’s amazing!

You’ve opened your heart and spirit to people that are 100% different than you.  You don’t see color or religion or language… You see people.  Like when you offered your bird bank to Beer, you just want to help those around you and that you care for.  You have tolerance.  You strive for peace.  Most importantly, you are a Brewers fan.  LOL  

Seriously though, you are better than me and Mumma.  You are better than a lot of people.  Not saying people are bad, but your grace, understanding, curiosity, spirit, and willingness to try things is more than most.  You have shown perseverance in difficult situations and patience as well.  You have done some very very hard things.  You have been brave.  You have been the family glue from time to time.  You are, without a doubt, the most incredible person I have gotten to spend time with.  Mumma is an incredibly close second, but Kiddo….. You are truly amazing and wonderful. 

It’s been an amazing three years with you here.  It will be an amazing two years (or more) with you in China and Shanghai.  As I said, you get our best, but also our mistakes.  We just hope that you see that we try to correct those mistakes as we go and try to keep the focus on good, open, tolerant, and loving.  Not only you, but each other and the friends we have.

We will see the world and its people.  Not to take from or use them, but to learn from them, see their culture, become a bit more tolerant of all people and ideas.  We want to learn as much from you as you do from us and then together we can learn more from those around us.

In every life a little rain must fall.  We’ve been through some storms, but we got home and got dry and life moved on.  Like your rain adventure with Mumma in HCMC, it was hard, sometimes a little scary, sometimes exhilarating, but at the end of the day we were all together again.  Until the day I take my last breathe, Kiddo, I will be there for you.  So will Mumma.  I promise you that.  In that, please forgive us our little mistakes and follies.  They are well intentioned.  Please remember our good times and fun.  We want to give you a million more.  Always be brave, be yourself, and be open to the world you live in, it’s people, it’s culture, and it’s uniqueness.  

Before I go, Kiddo, I want to share something with you.  An inspiration of mine is a man named Jim Valvano (Jimmy V).  He was a basketball coach for NC State in the 80s.  He got and fought cancer.  A few weeks before his death, he gave a speech and in that he shared a motto and I think it applies very well to you.  

“To me there are three things everyone should do every day. Number one is laugh. Number two is think -- spend some time time in thought. Number three, you should have your emotions move you to tears. If you laugh, think and cry, that's a heck of a day.”

Let’s go, Kiddo… We can’t change the past, only walk to the future.  With you and next to you. Elephant walking or you leading.  It doesn’t matter.  We look forward to the future with you.  We look forward to the full days.  Laughter, tears, questions, comments, and living in your special world, Kiddo, is the best thing I could have.  That we could have.  Mumma could become the planet’s best teacher, I could write a book, win an Oscar, create the next Mona Lisa…. And you, Kiddo, will still be our best thing and our proudest accomplishment.