Talk the talk and drive the shot

Last week I ran some errands.  It was a Nanny Beer day, so I was running solo.  So, I tasked about and I was leaving a store and I saw a Thai woman who I’d guess was probably in her 40s.  She looked at me curiously, so I Sawadee’d her and she lit up.  Waved and Sawadee back and then said a whole bunch in Thai.  I apologized and told her I only know a little - Lĕkn̂xy (Lnit-noy) Thai.  She had some English.

We seemed to be headed in the same direction (I was walking, it was all just local errands and tasks) and as we walked, I slowed.  Firstly, to let her know if she wanted to cruise on, I was just putzing.  She matched my pace and asked if I was Holiday?  

No, I live here.

Working man?

No.  Wife teacher.  Basis.

OH!  Good learn.

After some thumbs ups and excitement she looks at me and my full backpack and the bag I had slung over my shoulder for the walk home, she held out a key.  Toyota if I had to guess, but obviously a car key.  

You… <Mimics driving>?

Oh.  No!

Why no <mimics again>?

Driving?

Chai.  Dlrivins. (R is a strange sound in Thai and other asian languages.  It’s a Lr type sound.  You’d need to hear it, but it’s a bit strange, but once you get used to hearing it, it’s a bit more natural.)

No no.  Not me.

Why?  You America?  Much Dlrivins.

(That was gonna take me a second to decipher).  Oh, yes.  I’m from America.  A lot of people drive there.

You?

Yeah, I had a car in the States.

No Bangkok Dlrivins?

No no.

Why?

(I decided to tell the truth and see how she took it)  Scared.  Not Brave to drive in Bangkok.

*A small aside here.  Driving in Thailand, not that I’ve ever done it just ridden as a passenger, is a thing all it’s own.  Lanes are suggestions.  I was once on a four lane highway that was 6ish lanes with scooters kind of creating their own strange winding lane and the Grab I was in was in the breakdown lane and the driver put down his window and swung the mirror in so it wouldn’t hit the sidewall.  And then there was construction ahead, so the 6ish lanes become 4ish lanes, even though the construction was on two lanes of highway.  I joke with J that it’s my fate to die in a fiery crash in Bangkok Grab on a 3 lane highway that is somehow 8 lanes.  I also joke that I’m going to live to 112.  So, in about 70 years, I’ll need to be back in BKK to die in that fiery crash.  It’s fate… What can you do to change it?  HAHA

She seemed confused by my answer and we walked a few paces in silent.  Then, she turns to me.

Dlrivins.  You no?

Me no.

Me dlrivins.

Cool.  I’m too scared.  Not brave to driving Bangkok.

(She again seemed confused and made finger guns at me) America.

(I finger gunned her back) Thailand.

(She was SHOCKED).  NO!  No.  

Well, I obviously insulted her.

Dlrivins…. (She made a scared look, kinda wide eyed and shivering), but America (finger guns again)

I was in the weeds.

She stopped dead and looked at me.  It seemed important.  Google translate to the rescue.  I set it English to Thai and Thai to English and set listen mode on.  I pull it up and talk into my phone speaker.  I’m American.  I drove in America.  I am scared to drive in Bangkok.  Then I have the phone speak that to her.  Again, she lit up!  And went off in Thai.  As soon as it started speaking to me (my phone, that is) she again made finger guns.

“Why scared of car in Thailand, but not scared of shooting in America?”

I’ve never been in a shooting in America.

“Oh.  Hiding or get to floor?”

No.  I’ve never been in a shooting (granted, I have NO idea how this is translating into Thai for her).

She made finger guns at me again, then turned and poked herself with her own finger guns and said something that phone didn’t really translate well.  I showed her the error on the translator and she twirled her finger like she wanted me to repeat something.  I reset the app and she said something else.

“How many times you take bullets?”

You mean be shot?  Never.

She just looked at me confused again.

I looked at her and shrugged.

She spoke in Thai and I got my phone up.

“You are scared to drive in Thailand, but not of shooting in America.”

Shootings in America don’t happen often.

At this, you could tell she was either disappointed or thought I was lying.  She kind of gave me a weird look and smile and shrugged, waved, and hurried her pace to go about her day.  It appears from where she went, that she was parked at the next mall area over and just walking back to her car.  I have no idea what she thought about me.

I do, however, take away that she thinks Americans all own guns and shoot people.

Just let that sink in.

And when I got home, I consulted Nanny Beer and showed her some of the Translation history.  She confirmed that this woman was asking how I could be scared to drive but not to get into firefights in America.  That lead to a conversation with Nanny Beer.  She told me that she can read and hear English better than most Thais (I agree) and so she can read other news, but Thai news and TV really plays up that we are all armed, that shootings are common, and that only things like Sandy Hook make national news, but most Thais believe that most Americans not only own a gun, they carry it daily, and use it at least monthly.

It makes me a little sad.  Firstly, that Thais believe that most Americans are gun nuts.  But also, that America has that reputation; It didn’t get it because it doesn’t have some sense of truth to it.  America lets mass shootings happen, don’t sink their teeth into actual and useful gun reform (to go with police reform) laws that might make the country less violent.  Also, mental health care might go a long was as well.

So, I was asked why I was too scared to drive in Thailand when I’m not too scared to get into a gun battle.  That is how an American is seen in Thailand.  After buying a fry pan, some spatulas, window cleaner, and paper towels.  I’m an average American guy.  Little short.  Little dadbod.  Little limp when I walk.  Otherwise, pretty average.  In Thai clothing, as well.  I wasn’t in American clothing.  I was in a Thai futbol jersey and Thai style shorts.  But, I was instantly recognized as American (Beer said it’s the accent, that Thai’s know British and Aussie accents, so American stands out) and still seen as a gun owner and fanatic.  This woman probably would have run screaming from some RedHat Asshole who probably would have screamed at her to speak English like a normal person.

But, that’s how Americans are seen in Thailand.  Well done, America.  <shakes head and a little embarrassment to be from a place seen like that>

I did have to go to the hospital yesterday to get some paperwork signed by a doc so I can get the wrist brace and package released.  Got a great view of the new Rail line that is going up.  Once that’s up, it might be a quick and easy trip into town.  But, as you can see, this is a massive project that is going to directly connect Rama 2 to the heart center of Bangkok.  That will be huge for the area.  Pretty neat to see from 15 stories up.

Let’s go Kiddo!  Time for you to lose any vestige of American so people don’t assume you are some John Rambo/John McClain/Gangsta wannabe with a gat.