Night time Kiddo

This lifestyle is an adjustment.  We’ve adjusted to a lot.  Language, culture, way of life, food, cooking, even a drink of water is all a different thing.  J and I can stop and reason our way through a lot of it, when we remember to slow down and do that, but with life coming at you at a million miles per hour some days, it can get overwhelming.

Kiddo had a cry last night.  She came out at about 9pm and had a look on her face like she didn’t want to get in trouble for being up, but something was on her mind.  She expressed that she was feeling “overwhelmed”.  

1. I am very proud of her for knowing and being able to express that in words.
2. We tell her often that bed time is time to sleep, not get up, but if you need to get up for the bathroom or bad thoughts or feelings, it’s ok.
3. We never want her to fear or worry that she will be in trouble for expressing feelings.

We know, Kiddo.  Mumma and I both, that this is a LOT to take in and do.  To learn and experience.  To deal with daily.

We know you are different.  You have white skin and light hair.  You don’t speak Thai and need to learn it.  You know and like things that most of the other kids in your class and social circles have never even heard of.  Plus, being 5 is tough.  Growing up is hard.  

She was, in the end, overwhelmed by life.  The back to school after a week off.  The change, that must have seemed sudden, from hanging with Mumma and Dada to back to school and Nanny Beer and dinner and a schedule and life and schoolmates and all of it.  

We got her calmed and tucked and didn’t hear from her again, but this morning, her and I just hung out.  She helped me make her eggs and bread.  It was just some Dada and Kiddo time.

Because that’s parenting.  At least to us it is.  Teaching the language of feelings and giving space to express them.  Giving patience and just listening.  Giving up the hour when I normally shower and have coffee and watch baseball to just hang out and bond and make my child feel safe and connected and loved.  

We didn’t have Kiddo because we should, or because lineage, or because grandkids for our parents (whom we don’t speak with, so that wouldn’t matter anyway), or because other lame reasons.  We, J and I, decided to have a child so we could do this.  The hard work.  The night time stuff.  The middle of the night changing and feedings.  The early wake ups.  The sick kid days.  The tantrum and on the floor days.  Because, we both wanted to create a person.  Not shape and dictate a person to be whom and what we command, but to build and shape and create a person who can go into the world and be herself.

I’d have rather watched the Phillies in SD for the playoff game this morning, but I got to make eggs and bread with my child.  To see her smile.  To have her chat with me and tell me five year old stuff.  When we got to school, we stopped about 20 meters from where I would turn her over to staff.  She looked and me and gave me her tightest squeeze, but then told me, “Dada, take down your mask” as she pulled her down.  She then kissed me.  “I love you Dada and I’ll miss you until I see you again, but now I gotta go play and have fun.”  Up went her mask and off she went.

I’d say we’re doing a damned good job.  I’d say we handled that right.  I’d say we have a kid that is comfortable and confident to express herself to us and others.  I’d say that she is handling being 5 internationally really damned well.

Let’s go, Kiddo… I’m overwhelmed at how great you are, how proud me and Mumma are of you, and how you amaze me every day.  I could create something that reverses global warming and YOU, Kiddo, would still be my best thing.  Keep being you and I love you!