7 minutes of a show

Last night was a night.  Oh, the joys of parenthood.  The day was weird and we had all slept weird the night before, so that was part of it.  Also, J and I had made plans with Nanny Beer to stay late and eat with Kiddo.  We had plans to go to the hospital and do a well check that is needed for our China Visa.  Thankfully, Kiddo doesn’t need to be part of this.  We (J and I) went and found out that 16:00 was the cut off for being seen.  The thing is, J is contracted until 17:00 (or 16:45, something like that) and so she asked permission to leave early and was told she could leave 16:30.  We went and boomeranged home.  Canceled with Beer and she was fine with that, but we still took Kiddo to Plurn Dee for dinner.

After that, the fun started.  First, though, some background will help.

Kiddo goes to bed 20:00.  It’s a bit early, I agree, but she’s also more of a morning person (like J) and even if we let her sleep in, she’s up 07:00 and needs to eat and ready for school.  So, by 20:00, she’s usually near the end.

We do give her podcasts that she likes to listen to before bed and then have sounds for her; Crackling fire and forest sounds or Gentle rain with birds are the hits these days.  As I’ve posted recently, she has a little lamp and can read or do drawing/writing/etc, as long as she is quiet and in bed before 21:15.  Usually, in that 75ish min, she’ll sometimes pop out with a love note or for a hug or whatever other 6 year old thing she needs.  

Last night, however, J and I only nibbled at PD with Kiddo, because we still had plans to watch a show and hang and have a little home date/Plurn Dee home date and just be us.  Well, that was not to be.

Firstly, I went to Plurn for us.  Got J her thing and tired something we had a few people tell us was good.  A pizza cone.  I thought I’d give it a try.  It was a NOPE!  Firstly, I caught the vendor so he wouldn’t put crab or shrimp in.  Upon first bite, I discovered that corn that was packed into this thing.  Yippy for diverticulitis (Branka knows) and so that was my meal.  J wanted crispy pork belly with glass noodles, so we switched.  J, however, was half way through her dinner, because upon coming home, Kiddo needed attention.  

It’s 20:20 when I had my first bite.  I left home 19:45 to get things and was home 20:02.  We finally got things settled and started a show.  

NOPE!

Kiddo was up.  She “couldn’t even fall asleep.”  We get her to bed and she is freaking out and melting like a Popsicle in the July sun on Bangkok blacktop.  We poked her and she’s just melting more and more.  

I wanted to explode!  In the last 90 min, I’ve done nothing but gotten a weird pizza cone thing that I couldn’t eat and this is now my third time tucking in a kid.  I just wanted to unwind with my partner and wife, not deal with an overly tired 6 year old.  I took a deep breath and got Kiddo to take one with me.  We just slowed her down.  We asked if she was scared or nervous or worried about anything.  No, no no!!!!!!!  Melt, melt, melt.

Finally, I jumped out on a limb.  Hey Kiddo, are you worried about the Summer and all the travel and Shanghai and all that.  YYYeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssss!  Full melt, ugly cry, sobbing ensues.  

We got her chilled and settled.  We are worried also.  It’s a lot of changes.  It’s a lot going on.  It’s a lot to do.  However, Mumma and I got this.  We are a family and Kiddo is part of that.  We wouldn’t forget her, leave her, or ignore her.  We have plans for her.  We have plans with others with kids around her age.  We are going to chill on a beach in Mexico for a week and do taco research.  We’re going to get to Shanghai as a family.  They didn’t need to do her at the Doctor, because China just wants to make sure Mumma and I are ok and healthy enough to work and take care of her, which we are, so it’s just something China needs and no worries.

Finally, we got her settled and good.  It was now 21:15.  Sigh!  We saw 7 minutes of a show.  

It was a parent night.  They happen.

It is a good reminder, though.  We gotta keep Kiddo in the loop a bit, because she listens, hears, and worries… even if she doesn’t tell us.  She had to be thinking, wait… Mumma and Dada need to go to the Doc for China but not me?  Are they not taking me?  Is that why they are talking up Schmittah and Jesters?  I don’t know America.  I don’t know Spanish!  I don’t know Mandarin!  Where, how, what… FREAK OUT!

There’s A TON that goes into moving across the world and at 6 years old, how do you wrap your head around that?  How do you verbalize it, when you don’t even know how to think about it?  We told her that she can always talk to us.  We won’t laugh or make fun of her.  We want to hear that and know what she’s thinking.  We don’t just want that, we need that.  Kiddo is part of ALL of this.  She is the elephant in the middle when we elephant walk.  She’s the leader when she knows the way.  She is the Kiddo in this.  I’m the Dada, J is the Mumma, and she’s the Kiddo.  We wouldn’t even HAVE elephant walking if not for her.  She is as important as anything else and J and I will go above and beyond for her and that she is always our first thought and worry.

This is hard.  Sometimes it’s harder.  Sometimes you need to just breathe and slow down.  We are constantly learning, trying, messing up and laughing at ourselves, and we don’t fit.  It’s obvious we aren’t Thai.  It will be obvious we aren’t Chinese.  It will be obvious we aren’t Mexican or Hispanic.  WTF is America going to be like and do we even fit there anymore… Because we aren’t American any longer.  We are travelers with American passports.  We were born there and are citizens of America, but we don’t think we’ll fit.  We will stick out there too.  Kiddo, however, has an advantage.  She started this when she was 4.  She’ll be AT LEAST 9, even if we give this up after one contract in China.  That’s more than half her life as an expat.

That’s a lot.  Somewhere deep down, Kiddo has to feel and know she’s different and she’s only going to get more different.  However, we need to do more to show her how cool that is.  How unique.  How she can be nothing more than her and in that, she will fit.  Not just in America or Thailand or wherever, but she can fit anywhere because she has seen and experienced so much.  That, unlike J and myself, she’ll not have 30+ years in America to have that shape her, but instead will have the whole globe as part of her.

Every day of this life is a challenge.  Every single day.  Add to that school and learning, friends, life, being 6, etc.  It’s a challenge.  However, we are a family and have more fun than not.  We have more laughs and smiles than frowns and cries.  We enjoy it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a challenge.  So are video games and I (and Kiddo) love those.  Challenge doesn’t mean bad, it means interesting.  We need to remember to keep that in frame.

Let’s go, Kiddo… We had a bad night last night, but tonight will be better.  Summer is coming and it will be a lot of traveling, but it will be a family travel and then Shanghai… as a family.  You are the cornerstone of us and we can’t wait to explore with you, but know that you can always talk to us and tell us your worries, because we will listen, hear you, and love you.